1. The Quest for the Ninja Orb, Part II
2. Bombs, Farts, Spys [sic]
3. The Brandon and Andrew Skating Show
4. The Hotel Video
“I’m sorry there was something in the bathroom. Did you try the plunger? Did you?”

When I was 13 or 14, I met a kid down the street who played basketball a lot. Most of the time, when my brother and I would ride by his house on our skateboards, he’d be out in his driveway trying to throw his basketball through the hoop. His name was Aaron, but we called him Allen because it annoyed him. Although he was not very good at basketball, he bragged about his innovative shots regularly. He’d demonstrate a new shot to us and then claim that it was the latest addition to his “Michael Jordan bag of tricks.”

I recently emailed my brother to see if he remembered any details about what tricks exactly were kept in the MJBOT. He replied: “I do not recall which tricks Allen/Aaron kept in his bag. I believe they involved him dribbling around in a spastic fashion, then feebly hurling the ball at the rim, at which point the ball would clang off the rim and bounce into his bushes.”

Homemade trifocals

Buffet style ladies and gents!

Despite having experienced a rather harried passage on the sinuous roadways, filled as they were with every manner of conveyance, of the west Boston suburbs, it is the charge of this witness to set forth and certify with great sincerity his successful arrival, unharmed and with no licenses taken against his body of rights and liberties, at the industrial environs which serve as the illuminated backdrop to his daily efforts in the venue of commerce. Not without misgivings of the most sentimental sort to this responsibility do I arise, but having done so, and having compared in my mind my current surroundings and effects, both personal and impersonal, with the noumenal realm in which I dwelled over the period of delicate slumber allowed to every gentleman once his duties with regard to society and his fellows are discharged in full for the day, I can state without reservation that the satisfactions evident in my present condition seem most scarce, considered in the purview of our modern industrial system.

I’ll be the first to admit that the doughnut is a fine food. It tastes sweet, it is inexpensive, and it is available throughout the Commonwealth and beyond.

However, sometimes the doughnut is a little light. While certainly a power-packing treat, the doughnut may require assistance to qualify as a meal. For this reason, I have been recommending the doughnut sandwich (since January, 2005). The doughnut sandwich consists of a fine doughnut, flanked above and below by bread.

You will think to yourself, how the devil will I get a round piece of bread that neatly matches my doughnut? This is where this modern world’s other leavened torus — the bagel — comes into play.

Slice a bagel in half and slip a fine doughnut in between. You are now holding a doughnut sandwich.

From an interview with William Gates in Der Spiegel:
“I am quite admired.”

Dave Slusher of Evil Genius Chronicles has a podcast about his atheism.

“Samson went out and had to slay 40,000 Philistines. That’s a lot of people. That’s a lot of slaying to do, particularly with just one bone. That’s a hard day’s work. God is omniscient, but he can’t even create a world and a set of people that he doesn’t need to smite, over, and over and over again.”

“The governor can grant you clemency, but with God, somebody’s got to die.”